Who Would You Be Without Your Story? Dialogues with Byron Katie, page 70:
"We use our story of another to delude ourselves. I heard a woman say, in one of the sessions yesterday, 'I just realized that my father did what he did not because of me, but because of his story!' Did you hear that?"
When I read that, for a few seconds, I couldn't breathe. Not because I was rejecting the idea, but because it is so true. I recognised the truth as something that I have known for awhile.
As a child, I believed that the incest was my fault, that it happened because of something that I did or because I was bad and was getting what I deserved as punishment for my existing. Even as a young adult, I still believed those thoughts about myself.
By reading Byron Katie's book and looking at my own thoughts, today I know that these thoughts are no longer correct. Actually, these thoughts were never correct. But because they were my thoughts, I did believe them. Now I don't. I believe that the incest is just one of my stories, one of many, that I am starting to be ok with dropping from my mind. Katie doesn't ever ask you to drop your stories. She just asks that you be willing to look at what your life would be like without those stories.
The incest was done to me because it was my dad's story that he created. I was one of the participants because I believed my own stories.
We are coming out of the Winter season. Spring has begun with mostly warmer days but with some of the storms and chill of winter trying to hold out a little longer.
Because of the work that I have done on my incest issues which are my stories, I have been in an extended Winter in my life. Sometimes working on your issues can make life seem harder than it appeared when I was in denial and stuffing emotions rather than living them. Life seemed harder for awhile because the anger, sadness and hurt were out in the open rather than being hidden. Hidden, they were still causing problems but the problems were not as obvious as when the emotions are being openly expressed and felt.
Winter is the death of the old. Spring is the birth of the new.
Winter is wearing a coat of sad heaviness to protect against the hurts of life. Spring is releasing all of those thoughts and allowing joy into your life.
Winter is holding on to the old. Spring is letting in the light and newness of Life.
Now I am entering the Spring of my life. Spring means new growth, flowers blooming, green life beginning to come up out of the ground and new leaves showing on the trees again. The Spring of my life means being open to all experiences and experiencing new pleasures daily, exploring all that there is to explore. Spring is knowing that Life is glorious each and every day.