Sunday, February 3, 2008

Welcome To My Dark Side

Fear keeps me stuck.
Laziness keeps me stuck.
Indecision keeps me stuck.
Inactivity due to Lack of committment keeps me stuck.

All of the above are parts of my dark side, the part of me that doesn't live in the Light. What Light is this, you ask? The Light of Love.

Having a dark side is not a bad thing, in and of itself. Letting it run your life is. Giving into fear, laziness, indecision and inactivity are not good things, not if you want to move forward in life, not if you want to heal.

What brought out these thoughts today? I was sitting in church this morning listening to a guided meditation and suddenly my mind was filled with the above thoughts. I always carry a small notebook along with me to write down what I want to remember of the minister's sermon or like today to catch the thoughts of importance that run through my mind. Today I didn't catch much of what the minister was saying. I had my own thoughts to deal with.

Where did these thoughts come from? For awhile now, I have been wrestling with myself over being sick and why I haven't been able to figure out how to stop the migraines that I have been having more and more frequently. I have also gained back most, if not all of the weight that I lost in India back in October.

I have been asking myself why am I getting the migraines? Why am I getting them more frequently, sometimes 2-3 a week lately? What can I do to stop them? What am I doing to cause them? When am I going to be ready to heal myself. Why am I not willing to do the work to learn how to heal myself? What am I not willing to do? What am I not willing to see or hear? What part of me is still resisting change?

At this point, I have lots of questions with only a few awarenesses and not very many of the answers YET. I put the word "yet" in bold letters and caps so that you would see, and so would I, that my intention is to be open to doing this, just not yet.

I am leaving the door open for the possibility of the answers coming. I know that I have all of the answers. I know that they are inside of me. I know the answers will come.

Why the title "Welcome To My Dark Side"? Well, I wanted to introduce you, my readers, to my dark side. Believe it or not, my dark side does exist. I am not the goody-two-shoes that one part of me wants to believe that I am. I have a dark side. She is often angry, frightened and punishing. She is also sad and lonely. Mostly, she is afraid.

Also, I intend to welcome all parts of me into the Light. I have never wanted to acknowledge that I have a dark side. I now intend to work with acknowledging and accepting all parts of me. As long as I am divided into Light and Dark, Good and Bad, I am divided. More conflict happens as long as I am divided against myself. Inner and outer peace happens when conflict ceases and acceptance happens.

As the saying goes, "I have nothing to fear but fear itself." I know all about fear. Fear of failure and fear of success do the same thing. They keep you from moving.

Laziness, indecision and inactivity due to lack of committment all keep me standing still. By nature, I don't like standing still. I like to always be moving forward, learning something new, meeting new people, going new places.

One awareness that I got this morning was that I am allowing fear, laziness, indecision, and inactivity to keep me from finding a way to heal myself from these migraines. I heard a small, whiny voice say, "It is too much work. Why can't someone else do it? I want it now without having to work so hard to get it. I want it now." Would you say that my ego is running rampant right now? I would.

I have all the resources. I have all that I need. I Am all that I need. I know.

22 comments:

Barbara said...

Patricia,

What a very beautiful post. It is so clear, you are so clear, the subject recedes in the clarity.

Barbara

Patricia Singleton said...

Barbara, thanks. This is one of those articles where the words flowed so easily and I hoped my point was clear.

Sophia said...

Patricia,

Thanks for stopping by my blog and leaving me a comment.

This is the first post I've read on your blog so far and already it speaks directly to me and of me. Fear, inactivity, lack of commitment, laziness... it sounds like you're telling the story of my life! And I always think someone is going to walk through the door and get me moving, and I waste a lot of time waiting for that someone. We are the only ones that can get the ball rolling!

Patricia Singleton said...

Sophia, I don't know about you but I am tired of waiting for someone else. It is my life and I am living it to the fullest.

Liara Covert said...

In your decision to become an observer of your life, you create the experiences of your physical body and you discern how your brain is an omnipresent sensor that tunes into infinite frequencies. Its fantastic to realize your life is a continuum of ongoing experiences that enable you to transcend any limits you create for yourself. You are the seer behind every observation and you can change your life at will. Thoughts and visions come and go. The thinker is always there. The scenery transforms. You are the immortal seer, not the scenery. You aren't the physical body.

Andrea Hess|Empowered Soul said...

Patricia, this is a beautiful post ... and you're right, you DO have all the answers. Maybe they're not to be found in this lifetime, though. I often find a lot of our "stuff" is accumulated from our Soul's history - not always the case, but frequently enough. Ask your Guides to show you!

Dark is just the absence of Light. It isn't an actual thing, just an absence of a thing. When we shine the Light of awareness into the dark, it has to go. I think of our "dark side" (we all have one, you're right) as the parts we just haven't created enough awareness around yet!

Thanks as always for your courageous honesty, which always touches my heart.

Blessings,
Andrea

Patricia Singleton said...

Andrea, thank you and you are right. Every previous lifetime that I have been shown had something that needed to be cleared away and healed because it was affecting me in this lifetime.

Patricia Singleton said...

Liara, that is one of the lessons that I have come to know. Thank you.

Slade | Shift Your Spirits said...

Patricia,

I wasn't lazy this weekend -- I did go out of town to visit my brother and so I did not publish anything this Sunday.

But yesterday I was thinking about what I would've prepared and it was a conversation about Committing to Becoming... I may still flesh these ideas out later, but for now, it comes up again reading your post.

Ask yourself about the subtle distinction between Wanting something to happen, and truly Committing to its happening...

I suffered from near-daily migraines all my life -- they run in my family and I think most of us just accept them... I reached a breaking point with my health a few years ago and many things changed for the worse and the better -- like a damn breaking...

But I remember hearing years ago, a doctor tell me that headaches are NOT normal. Having them everyday does not make them "normal" -- if anything, that's very abnormal.

Many things could contributing to them -- do you know what causes yours?

One thing that you can commit to in moving forward is investigating, researching, and talking to professionals about them. Get to know your Headaches as someone with a message for you. Where do these clues lead?

I hate it for you that you're suffering... I also feel that this Dark/Light dualistic identity is an unnecessary form of suffering, in and of itself.

Deb Estep said...

I am betting that the Patricia who started this blog back in July of 2007 would never have made this post back in July.

Today you have the courage to share your dark side.

Your awareness is the key to making changes... the changes YOU want to make.

Hey, do me a favor, the next time you're talking to little Patricia, would you tell her that she is a beautiful star.

Love~
Deb

Patricia Singleton said...

Deb, from one star to another star, thanks.

Patricia Singleton said...

Slade, thanks for your words. I don't know what is causing my migraines. I am committed to finding out starting with a doctor's appointment. You helped me make that decision.

Pat said...

Patricia - I could really relate to what you were expressing in your post. I wanted to share and I wrote a post on this myself - . I hope this encourages and helps you work through this. God bless and take heart that there is an answer and an end to the tunnel.

Patricia Singleton said...

Pat, thanks for your words of support and your wonderful article that I just read. I appreciate the link back to this article too.

Lorraine Cohen said...

Dear Pat

I echo so many of the sentiments others have written. To me our shadow sides serve to teach us things about who we have become so that we can find our back to our authentic selves. Once we begin to shine the light on those behaviors and identities we created to survive, we can choose to tranform those parts and integrate them back into who we are becoming NOW.

The invitation is to bring forth self-love and compassion so that we can heal those dark places so that our light, our true essence can shine through. It's our soul's call to return home to who we are.

Thank you for having the courage to write this post.

Blessings,
Lorraine
www.powerfull-living.biz

Patricia Singleton said...

Lorraine, thanks for your comments. I am enjoying reading your articles.

Lorraine Cohen said...

You're most welcome Patricia

Visit me anytime. Your comments always add value to my blog

Cheers,
Lorraine

Anonymous said...

Hi Patricia,

I'd like to offer a song to you that I know you will really get. It's called, "If I Were Brave" by Jana Stanfield.

My favorite lines are, "What would I do if I knew that I could not fail? If I believed...would the wind always fill my sail? How far would I go? What could I acheive...trusting the hero in me?"

You have a hero in you...I've seen your strength...take a listen to this song on iTunes and see what rises up to greet you.

Much love,

PK

Patricia Singleton said...

PK, thanks, it is comments like yours that keep me writing. I will find the song and listen to it.

Patricia Singleton said...

PK, I took the time to search for the Jana Stanfield song "If I Were Brave." I found the words to the song at http://www.aventa.org/lyrics.html .
I kept searching at found the YouTube video of Jana singing it at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Nx4JkCALec . Thanks, PK for sending me looking. Thanks for your sentiments about the song and my work. I hope that everyone that reads this will also check it out and listen to the truly inspirational message of Jana and her song. Thanks, PK. I truly appreciate you.

HaleyAngel45 said...

Patricia,

I have been here for an hour and can't stop reading. The first four lines of this post hit me like a brick. They represent me.

I'm just beginning my journey.

Your blog will be part of the many steps I take....thank you!

Debbie in NC
came from Deb E :-)

Patricia Singleton said...

Debbie in NC, I am glad that you found my blog and that it is helping you to learn about yourself.

Welcome to my journey. I will warn you, reading about my journey will not be easy in places. Hopefully it will be inspiring. I write a lot about the challenges of my life and the ways that I have learned to face them.

Deb E. has become a loving, supporting friend to me over the past few months since we met online.

If you haven't already, feel free to subscribe to my blog, then you will get each new post sent to me as it is posted. Have a glorious day.