Welcome To My Dark Side

Fear keeps me stuck.
Laziness keeps me stuck.
Indecision keeps me stuck.
Inactivity due to Lack of committment keeps me stuck.

All of the above are parts of my dark side, the part of me that doesn't live in the Light. What Light is this, you ask? The Light of Love.

Having a dark side is not a bad thing, in and of itself. Letting it run your life is. Giving into fear, laziness, indecision and inactivity are not good things, not if you want to move forward in life, not if you want to heal.

What brought out these thoughts today? I was sitting in church this morning listening to a guided meditation and suddenly my mind was filled with the above thoughts. I always carry a small notebook along with me to write down what I want to remember of the minister's sermon or like today to catch the thoughts of importance that run through my mind. Today I didn't catch much of what the minister was saying. I had my own thoughts to deal with.

Where did these thoughts come from? For awhile now, I have been wrestling with myself over being sick and why I haven't been able to figure out how to stop the migraines that I have been having more and more frequently. I have also gained back most, if not all of the weight that I lost in India back in October.

I have been asking myself why am I getting the migraines? Why am I getting them more frequently, sometimes 2-3 a week lately? What can I do to stop them? What am I doing to cause them? When am I going to be ready to heal myself. Why am I not willing to do the work to learn how to heal myself? What am I not willing to do? What am I not willing to see or hear? What part of me is still resisting change?

At this point, I have lots of questions with only a few awarenesses and not very many of the answers YET. I put the word "yet" in bold letters and caps so that you would see, and so would I, that my intention is to be open to doing this, just not yet.

I am leaving the door open for the possibility of the answers coming. I know that I have all of the answers. I know that they are inside of me. I know the answers will come.

Why the title "Welcome To My Dark Side"? Well, I wanted to introduce you, my readers, to my dark side. Believe it or not, my dark side does exist. I am not the goody-two-shoes that one part of me wants to believe that I am. I have a dark side. She is often angry, frightened and punishing. She is also sad and lonely. Mostly, she is afraid.

Also, I intend to welcome all parts of me into the Light. I have never wanted to acknowledge that I have a dark side. I now intend to work with acknowledging and accepting all parts of me. As long as I am divided into Light and Dark, Good and Bad, I am divided. More conflict happens as long as I am divided against myself. Inner and outer peace happens when conflict ceases and acceptance happens.

As the saying goes, "I have nothing to fear but fear itself." I know all about fear. Fear of failure and fear of success do the same thing. They keep you from moving.

Laziness, indecision and inactivity due to lack of committment all keep me standing still. By nature, I don't like standing still. I like to always be moving forward, learning something new, meeting new people, going new places.

One awareness that I got this morning was that I am allowing fear, laziness, indecision, and inactivity to keep me from finding a way to heal myself from these migraines. I heard a small, whiny voice say, "It is too much work. Why can't someone else do it? I want it now without having to work so hard to get it. I want it now." Would you say that my ego is running rampant right now? I would.

I have all the resources. I have all that I need. I Am all that I need. I know.